Do you pray about your sex life? I know this isn’t a popular question. It may even make some of you uncomfortable. In all honesty, it makes me a little uncomfortable asking it. For some reason, we have no problem addressing related questions such as:
- Do you pray for your husband? All the time! Absolutely!
- Do you pray for your marriage? Definitely, yes!
- Do you pray for help being a better wife? Of course!
But if you ask, “Do you pray for your sex life?” the enthusiasm melts into embarrassment.
Of course there are certain exceptions when it seems natural to pray for your sex life – before your honeymoon, when you’re trying to become parents, if pornography has infiltrated your marriage. But what about when nothing exceptional is happening? What about when you’re just an old married couple who’s content and happy somewhere between your first anniversary and ‘til death do you part?
Might I suggest that the times when it seems the least urgent are the times when it’s actually the most important?
God put a lot of creativity into the act of sex. He established distinct genders. He created marriage and procreation. He formed our bodies with care and purpose. It seems illogical to assume that He now wants out of the equation. I believe He listens when we pray about our sex lives. I believe He cares. And when it comes to subjects of supreme intimacy, I know He wants to be included.
If you don’t currently make it a habit to pray about sex, here are three reasons to consider making it a regular practice:
1. Sex is spiritual
The Bible refers to your body as two things: 1) a temple of God (1 Cor. 6:19-20), and 2) a living sacrifice (Rom. 12:1). When you use your body in ways that please the Lord, the Bible says that “this is your true and proper worship” (Rom. 12:1). What you do with your body can either create a bridge or a barrier between you and the Lord.
First Corinthians 7:5 says that married couples should not “deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” Your body is a worship venue, and physical intimacy with your husband is not only a means of worship, it is also an attack against Satan. When make your sex life a priority in your prayer life, you are honoring God with both your body and your spirit.
2. Purity isn’t just for virgins
You’ve probably heard the accolades of praise about those who choose to “remain pure until marriage.” I understand the thought process behind such comments. When someone chooses to abstain from sex until marriage, it is a decision worthy of respect. However, when we equate purity with being “sex free,” we are going against what the Bible teaches. The Bible teaches that purity should be a goal for all believers, both unmarried and married. Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God,” (Matthew 5:8), and Paul commanded married women specifically to “be self-controlled and pure” in Titus 2:5. Clearly, purity is not to be left on the altar of the church when you say “I do.”
When we pray for our sex lives, we re-invite purity back into our hearts and back into our marriages. Purity is a heart issue more than it is a body issue, and we deal with heart issues best in prayer.
3. Your marriage is under attack
In case you’ve forgotten, “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). In other words, he’s that thug in the mall parking lot casually jiggling car door handles just waiting to discover the fool who left her car unlocked. Prayer is a proactive way to secure and protect your marriage, and when you fail to pray about your sex life, you’re leaving your door unlocked.
No couple is immune from big problems like infidelity, pornography or divorce. But for some reason we’ve forgotten that the best defense is a great offense. Don’t wait until there’s a problem. Go on the offensive about your sex life. Pray like it’s under attack because it is.
You might now be wondering – What specifically do I pray though? Honestly, it’s going to vary from couple to couple and from season to season. It would do me no good to share the personal specifics about how and what I pray regarding my intimate relationship with my husband because our marriage is a unique reflection of our individual personalities. Your prayers should reflect your unique relationship as well.
Can I give you some broad suggestions though, based on the reasoning above? Start by praying for peace, purity and protection. The specifics of where God’s leads from there will vary, but that’s a great place to start.
And if you need more help or guidance in this area, check out the site, To Love Honor and Vacuum by Sheila Wray Gregoire. She is a wealth of sexual information and advice, always from a biblical perspective and Christ-centered worldview. Plus, she’s much more candid than I could ever be!
Satan certainly does attack in this area. He has in our marriage. I think this topic needs to be discussed more in the church. Not necessarily from the pulpit, but it does need to be talked about in smaller group settings. I was a virgin when I got married and had these expectations that I would be rewarded for being a good girl like God said! But due to medical issues, it wasn’t that way. For years, we struggled in this area and I ended up needing christian counseling because I felt like an epic wife failure!! It’s been a roller coaster experience for us. We do pray about it and I highly recommend it. Because just like marriage is work, sex is work. Fun work! But work! We just started reading the book Sheet Music which has been highly recommended by many friends. We read a few chapters and then discuss things that stood out to us. It has made us have deep conversations about things that we wouldn’t generally think to talk about, but has made us discover things about each other we didn’t know. Pray about it and talk about it! It is such a spiritual thing and when you invite God into this aspect of your marriage, it is so beautiful!!
I’ve read Sheet Music and recommend it as well! And you’re right. No one ever talks about how medical issues can affect this area of marriage. It’s important to realize that not every marriage is meant to be the same. Not even every season in a single marriage is meant to be the same. If I could go back to my 26-year-old, pre-marriage, virgin self… Oh the talk we would have!!! 🙂
Edit: I was a good girl like God said…>Translation: I obeyed like He said 😉 So I thought I would be rewarded because I obeyed!
Excellent! Yes, I pray about this area much more than when I was younger. But I need to include it in my prayers daily as part of my spiritual armor!
Thanks, Emily.
I was consistently taught to equate purity with lack of sex. When I got married, for years, I continued to feel like what we did in our marriage bed was wrong. It was a very difficult ingrained thought process to try and reverse.
I completely understand! This article had a lot of helpful points: http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2016/01/purity-culture-10-things-that-scare-me/